I have nothing to say, no words of wisdom, no interesting facts, or nice things to say. I am so exhausted of knowledge and theology and religion. I am so sick of living life for myself, and amazing others with tidbits, trying so hard to make much of myself, trying to gain others' admiration and adoration, trying to not upset others or ruffle feathers, ashamed to confess my faith and exclaim the inexpressible joy and hope that I have, embarrassed by Truth that I have no control over, worried about how foolish and crazy it sounds, and all I can or should do is place all my faith and trust in this Truth and yet I fail at doing so over and over again. I am tired of reading or hearing about this Truth and what it commands of me and never following through, basically spitting in His face, spending more time mindlessly babbling and small-talking, concerned more about my worthless possessions and possessions I want or, dare I say, I need, worrying more about what I think I deserve or require, how I can entertain myself and vainly pursue what excites me and gives me fleeting glimpses of happiness that fades all too quickly. I am tired of holding onto dreams and hopes in things of this world, savoring the dross and chaff, not the purified gold and precious wheat, things that burn away, not the things that will last. Even worse than that, I am tired of love for others that I should have, love that should be emanating from me, because of Love that was shown to me and bestowed upon me and even dwells in me, being completely neglected and rejected, so much so, that I actually despise others. I despise others so much that I withhold from them the only hope, the only thing that can save them from an eternity of torment in the fires of Hell. In spite of all my failures, though, God still loves me, so much that He poured out His own blood as a propitiation or substitution for my own sins and wrongdoings and shortcomings, and this atoning blood justifies me, sanctifies me, purifies me, and even glorifies me.
7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:7-11
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
No comments:
Post a Comment